Robert Babbitt | 24.10.2003 11:03

It was a rather snide piece of journalism that appeared back on August entitled Kiss Ladies Night Goodbye, referring to more no free drinks or free entrance for women only. But did not the issue deserve greater consideration?

Kiss Ladies Night Goodbye But do not Kiss the Poor Boys, by Bobby Babbitt

It was a somewhat snide piece of journalism that appeared back on August the 3rd of this year, entitled Kiss Ladies Night Goodbye, as the lead front page of the San Diego section of the Union Tribune. Alex Roths story regarding nightclubs being forced to drop promotions insinuated, in the supposedly objective form of journalism, that the two men, Steven Surrey and Alfred Rava, who brought lawsuits against downtown nightclub owners for allowing women in free, while discriminated against men, was trivial and small minded. In fact this seemed to be the main point of the story.

At least this was the point of view most shared by who he chose to interview. The article gave the impression that this issue was ridiculous. It stated: Last Thursday night in the Gaslamp, it was difficult if not impossible to a single person, man or woman, who had a philosophical problem with concept of ladies night. Yet the opposite is more the truth. The issue is important and it has been unfair to men, especially men who are not making all that much money, that is the men we do not like to consider much.

Whereas I am glad that Independent Media Center has carved a niche and mission of allowing groups of people who are normally under represented in main stream media a chance to have a say, because one group we almost never here from in this society is underclass men. Granted many may not be all that articulate but they definitely are not much represented in any debates. For example women and minorities issues, these so called Rainbow coalitionists have had print space in newspapers and in schools in our society. Their complaints are more likely to at least get printed and thought about. Plain and ordinary men with low income seldom get space or recognized. Perhaps that is why the complaint was so ridiculous, since they could not afford to be in the Gaslamp in the first place?

This type of discrimination would have died years ago had it been discrimination against women in Americas bars, and the world would have heard a good deal of greasy wheel about it and would have cheered the proceedings. How many letters to the editor were even printed to the Union Tribune in favor of the men who went against the grain, especially after the reporter wrote the story with little respect toward the men? None. Why? Because the impression given was, only the small minded would care, and you know us men are never suppose to care about our money too much are we, that is we don?t wanted to get labeled cheap do we?

Whereas over several years in main stream media, anything and everything that has ever been possible to argue that discriminated against women, even if it was comprised of a contortion of statistics and facts, has been argued up and down the map of news media journalism. Why then when some men finally take the initiative to say: Hey I am tired of being penalized because of my gender too we get jeers, and then it is forgotten? I would like to personally thank those two men, Steven Surrey and Alfred Rava, along with the lawyers that worked with you, who stood up for our rights. Granted this message will probably never get to you as it is more or less a vanity page but a few with at least know that someone was aware. It was not so much about rights as just a little respect. Thank you !!!!

Why then did so few have an interest in this issue? Is it because few people give a damn about men who happen to not be of the middle or upper class, as they would most note the disparity, or even those men who have money but have somehow learned on some level of their consciousness that not all American women are on a similar playing field of responsibility, that is taken for granted? We have had high unemployment for months and people have been tightening their belts all along but men, as usual, are not suppose to notice it also has effected them. We are expected to pay for things, in fact some women will not even notice you if you are not about green capital. Furthermore there is this sexist notion in America that men of the same age groups as women have more wealth and this is not true.

Over the years in various cities I have lived I have met a number of men who work two jobs to pay child support and alimony plus try to survive on their own, yet all the media talks about are such stereotypes as Deadbeat Daddies, and how tough single women have it, or whatever insinuates delinquency on the part of the male gender so as to buttress prejudices against men.

Over the decades of feminist diatribe that filled our newspapers, college campus crusades, that is, when every thing Male was considered MALevolent, I have met several men with some college or trade school or college degrees who went nowhere special in the job market. For example few men with liberal arts degrees were being offered the same breaks women received because they were women. Forget about the glass ceiling some women cry about in the newspapers, that is those classes of women whose views are considered worthy of newsprint. What about the millions of men who have not been let out of the cellar? We do not hear about them? Why? Because one form of power is who gets ones complaints heard or expressed, and women have had this privilege, especially white women, because women too always had access to mens ears and thus had influence.

For example, it was ONLY WHEN middle and upper class women, men and youth were being imprisoned for drug offenses in our penal institutions that the media found it worthy to question the heavy handedness of our criminal justice system. Had it continued to be primary low income males that were locked up in prisons for drug offences the media probably would have said nothing, and there would be no diversion plan to treatment facilities. It was also when tax payer costs were so traumatic that the media people had to recant their previous judgmentality. Still our prisons were housing over half due primarily to drug issues. But you see women, and upper class men are actually considered real people with a sense of humanity and vulnerability. For the first time they were being put behind bars in any numbers and getting an idea how the other side lived. Besides keeping more men in prisons for longer periods allowed more jobs in the job market for the millions of women who entered it over the last decades. As will the military option to provide the risk of war for mostly men to keep the unemployment line lower.

And do you think that once you get out of prison these fabulous jobs out there will give you a chance? Hardly. Know now that most personnel officers are women, and their has been this unmentioned discrimination going on because after all we cant have harassment issues? Besides this society does not forgive, trust, or believe in giving people a second chance no matter what lip service is paid.

Or if you have a patchy work record, like for example you job hopped via a variety crappy telemarketing jobs, Temp agencies will demand you fill out all this paperwork of writing every job and all the logistics just to throw it insincerely in the trash as soon as they smilingly and efficiently finish your brief interview. Do not expect most Temp Agencies, which are also staffed primarily by women, to give you much of a break if you are male, unless you are effete like being gay or very polished in your customer service thespian skills and jolly friendliness of nicety niceness. Temp agencies like to farm men out to labor and outside jobs.

Furthermore, journalist people, most, seldom come from the working classes. Most media people have never spent a day in an institution or shelter yet they maintain a kind of sophisticated prejudice against the unwashed. Most media people were pretty much readers even in grade school so they tend to see the drop outs of life as undeserving of any redemption. In fact their bread and butter is paid by living off the reportage of criminality. Some would not know what to do if suddenly all the world turned to sainthood.

If there is a sad story to report about homelessness or poverty it will likely center around children and mothers or families, but not likely about single men on the streets. Those pictures are saved for Thankgiving solicitations. If single men are on the street it is because they earned their bed that they made, and some in fact did, or had addiction issues, alienation, etc.

But the bottom line is nobody much gives a damn about you if you are a male and down on your luck, or could not quite compete with the best and brightest. Yet this is not a plea for pity or sympathy because we harbor no illusions about human behavior, nor are we talking primarily about men who are homeless. Men of all levels of wealth deserve some respect and consideration.

So why should an underclassman feel any resentment if he notices that most of the new cars are sold to women in this culture, etc.? Or they notice that a statistically significant number of less expensive rooms for rent require women to rent them? Do college women make less wages that do college men? No. So why should you care if well women seem to get a free ride here and there, whereas you never seem to. After all the Alex Roth story did end with the statement about someone he interviewed as to chime in: Because women are not as desperate as men are, meaning that this sense of less deprivation entitles them to their rightful status? They were referring to, oh you know, men having this craving for social attention as well as sex a bit more ardently.

So what is the big deal? Let us just accept reality. Men expect to pay money and provide material resources, at least white males more or less do, because women are not desperate. So what is the philosophical problem? They big deal is half the women in the bar are making twice as much money as you are because they have argued relentlessly via statecraft how discriminated they were when their daddies we working the asses off to bring home the bacon so that their wives and children could have the necessities of life. Those bad fathers and grandfathers were terrible people because the went to endless meetings on how conspire and oppress women. So now that they have their financial independence you my friend do not have the same sexual appeal and that is why you can not think to ask for some social equality.

Besides the Gaslamp Macho image of tough city guy in sophisticated world of inner city is an illusion we must maintain. I mean tough guys don t complain do they? Tough guys with their Cuban cigars make it happen, that is they become bread winners or are considered losers. It is this simple chump. Do we not live in a Macho world here where the Terminator Saves California? Thus the rub: men without a wad of doe in the pocket are not considered real men. They are not important enough to be considered.

Besides women who go to nightclubs free generally are not interested in meeting or associating with men without prosperous careers or money anyway. After all, if women can get in free then nightclub owners ought at least make sure that the right kind of men are present, do not you think? What who happen if she found herself inadvertently with a dishwasher or janitor? It aint like she is likely to offer him a drink or two mind you, unless some soppy little old feel sorry for the guy rhetoric tugs at her liberal heart for a short bit. don't mean to get snide myself but seems certain ideas get non expressed for a might long time he in the American land of free speech. So of course we should be reading slighting disdain of foulness, especially since male reporters, being all suave and debonair of genteel persuasion, were willing to show their paternalistic instincts. I mean who the hell are any men to feel we are being discriminated against, especially after all these years of a kind of cold shoulder that went dead?

That is we already know that we are likely to be politely dumped at first chance, after that ubiquitious: what do you do for a living? I know a few men who would not pass up a chance to date a barby doll just because she does not have a professional job, high income, car, etc. In fact their are a number of men who would gladly chauffeur her around, but any man without a car is, you know, a cowboy without a horse, and she, despite her income, aint coming to chauffeur you around just because you a cutey pie.

So it does not matter in the least if men with less money, or some concern for frugality to consider their own futures, even went to the Gaslamp, unless they were willing to spend whatever they had. I mean it is not like men would have expected to hustle a free drinks on any eyelash charm or having the attitudinal willingness to let one of those less desparate ladies Get Lucky? What kind of horse manure would that be to offer men free drinks so men could attract women to the bars? I do not think so.

Equality then as a politically correct banner is important only if it is advantageous to some people or some groups. That is why the issue was given a real short shift in the main stream media. The old compementary principle, tons of news releases over the years for womens complaints equal a dearth of concerns some men might have. Men do not have feelings on issues anyway. Men just go along with the program. I mean dont you really hate it when a male complains like a xxxxxxx? Why the omission of the sentence? Guess. Guess what everyone would probably say but will not say in good politically correct form? We men are not free to be emotional or sensitive about simplistic slights are we? That is why we refer to men who complain as not masculine. You know the story, the closest whiner buys a shirt that has that symbol that says No Whining, even though the shirt itself is a whiner shirt trying to dictate what others can and can express in any mood.

Cause we are forever magnanimous and generous in spirit, as gentlemen are we not. We come from that ever so chivalric tradition of laying our outer garments in the mud so the lady might not get her shoes dirty. Hear the sneers? Yeah you did not get asked on a date lady because deep inside you could not deal with some spiritual realities like how much some of us men were getting dumped on. There was always a chip on the shoulder. Why should we ever have any feelings, especially about little trivial things, after all we paid for dinner did not we? What goes around will come around right? Yeah there was a lot of respect.

After all this really is an equal society is it not? It should not bother us if we happen to be one of those people who make a statistically less then does the average woman of our age, and we consistently see the same favors going in the same direction? So let us just keep ponying up our dues to society and the bartenders till. It is not like there has never been this psychological wall built between the sexes over the years that women who ran into womens studies class wanted to tear it down? No demonizing ever toward white men huh? No little hidden pockets of misandry, oh we are not familiar with that word?

But the real issue in all this is about attitude. Am I the only person to have realized that even some men from foreign countries have come to realize that some women in America have an attitude toward men? Am I the only male who has witnessed women, ignore men so as to not acknowledge their existence, like as if they were other then equal? And I the only male to hear a person click the automatic lock on the car doors simply because a male was walking on the street, not because one truly felt fear so much as to insinuate a prejudice that you are rejectable? I mean we really are not equal are we? No one has been led to think of men, or at least some men as second class citizens? That rhyme about girls are nice and made of spice whereas men are made of doggy tails, and that is dog shit in case you did not get the euphemism, was just some cute quibble. It aint like there is this superiority thing going on is there? Some people just deserve to be treated better because of who they are? What is a little snobbery here and there? Narcissistic aristocracy spices up the day, doesnt it, and besides it is soooo Hollywood in the platiun sense when real women started to become replaced with a strike a pose.

I'm not suggesting that there has been this dessicating desert of hostility out there and that all men have been burned. But you had a role to play, like unless a male is wearing clothes that insinuate he has money or can afford to drive a nice car he is to drink alone because we are not class conscious are we? There may be some innocent chattery but there will not be any long term bonding. You have to dress for success because we are after all interesting in our individuality. Besides fat and ugly women are not going to throng to a nightclub just to witness the attractive ones get all the looks. I mean it is not like a lot of minority women are going to go in groups just to witness those white women get more play? It is kind of like nature has its ways of inhibiting the less desirable.

You know it really isnt about free entrance or drinks that mattered so much was it? Rather it was just a message somewhere that you were a human being, and a little attention that one got or would have liked to have gotten. You remember dont you? None of us men ever went to a nightclub because we were lonely did we? We were just there because we had nothing better to do but to drink to cover those little resentments. Furthermore we really had nothing to say worthy of being heard or conversation. We are all kind of plastic anyway, that is some of us honkies?

We men are valued as people are we not? Society tell it to us all the time. That is why we evolve into these macho images because we have so much self esteem. This must be why those ladies at the strip joints are so personal with us taking a real interest in our lifes, cause they know how truly special we are, and they would want to take us home with them if they did not already have special or mitigating circumstance? It has really been great to be a male in America. I recommend it to all my friends. And you can not beat American main stream journalism.

Right On Robert! 24.10.2003 14:12 As for me, I have some semblence of wealth and no patience with feminism or worthless women that are interested more in wealth than on relationship. There is an excellent web site, URL ..  http://www.savethemales.ca/ that provides a lot of sensible information for men about the destructive nature of feminism, and natual relationalship roles between men and women. Isn't it interesting that divorce in America has risen to alarming rates, that men and women in this country have no interest in a marital relationship, and that the men in this country are looking for wives outside of the US to Asia or the former Soviet Union. WHEN will the women in this country grow up using a sense of self humiliation to know that they have been USED. Otherwise their failure will result in an expected demise...have a great day ! Frasier Mr. 21.11.2003 13:55 Robert, I enjoyed reading your article. I know of at least two letters to the editor of the Union-Tribune that voiced support for our lawsuits against the clubs gender-based discriminatory pricing schemes (not one business touted its promotion as the innocuous-sounding "Ladies Night"), but the Union-Tribune refused to publish these letters. Al Rava Alfred Rava e-mail:: alrava@cox.net